We have been talking all about sleep and crying in the previous blog posts, this post is all about personality and crying. I’m going to give you some really key pointers on how to understand the effect of personality on crying and how you can best use that information to make for peaceful, happy days with your family.
The first personality I’m going to talk about is the child’s personality. So your baby or child, they have their own character traits, their own personality, and they may be more or less of a crier. Some little ones some people are, they cry more easily than others. You’ll know that from how you are, how your friends are. There are certain things out there about males and females and how people are different, but personality plays a part on how much of a likely crier that you are.
Now with a baby or a young child of course, they will cry for different reasons. They’ll cry for communication. They’re also going to be more inclined to cry because they have to tell you something. They have to tell you what they need or what they want. It’s literally their entire language is made from cries.
That said how you respond to your little ones cries, based on their personality, may need to be different. So some little ones it’s in their personality that when they cry, they need more reassurance, more hands on help, it takes more effort to help bring that cry down. Whereas other personalities, they do better with actually sometimes a bit more space. They need that response. They need that reassurance or that thing, they need the need met, but they might be quicker to stop crying. You might be able to respond and it’s fixed much more easily depending on their personality.
The other personality piece to consider here is the parent’s personality. So your personality also plays a really important part. Whilst you may or may not be an easy crier, or you might cry a lot. You might hardly ever cry, your personality in terms of the meaning and your beliefs around crying are going to be key in all of this, in fact, in all of parenting.
Because your past experiences, maybe your childhood, maybe any traumas or triggers that you have around crying are going to affect the beliefs you have and the meanings that you give to crying. So you may respond to your little ones cry based on your own head trash, as I like to call it, we all have it. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just a thing.
But your response may be triggered by something that you’ve made up, that you believe that you are harbouring, a meaning that you are giving it, and that may skew your ability to see the reality of what actually is in front of you and what the cry actually is about.
It’s worth exploring that a little bit and knowing that, “Hang on. Am I responding this way because of what I feel or because of what my child needs?” What if your child cries, maybe you are somebody who lost a parent or have abandonment complexities and traumas in your past, so when your child cries, you’re like, “Oh my God, oh my God, I need to make sure they don’t feel like that.” And actually they didn’t, they were okay, that’s your thing, not theirs.
It’s really worth sometimes just thinking about this and thinking how, in all parenting, how we can avoid projecting our own, fears, discomforts, traumas, and triggers, emotional meanings and beliefs that have come from our experience and to not just assume that or allow the triggers of our little ones cries to let that come up when it may not be actually relevant and it may not serve that child to the highest level in that moment.
With this, and understanding your little one’s personality and what works well for them and how they are as a little character of their own and a fresh blank canvas, most of the time too. And then your personality, perhaps what you feel in your beliefs and perhaps some of your history and why you may think the way you do and go, “Okay. Now I understand that. What is going to be the best response I can give to my child to serve in this moment as a parent, to the highest ability that I can. What’s the best response I can possibly give to get the best outcome for us as a family, for my sanity, for this child’s wellbeing, what’s going to be the best response?”
Knowing this stuff around personality can really give you leverage. Knowing this can empower you and give you that confidence and reassurance, so you can continue doing the very best job you can in raising a really healthy and happy little one.
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