The backlash to ‘gentle parenting’
As modern parents, we have access to a wealth of information that previous generations did not. We’ve learned so much more about the human brain, child development, and behavior through neuroscience and psychological research.
Studies now give us deeper insights into how parenting methods impact a child’s emotional and cognitive growth. The parenting landscape has evolved, just as our understanding of smoking and health evolved — it’s not that previous generations didn’t care, it’s that we know better now.
For instance, we now understand the significance of emotional regulation in children’s development. In the past, a child’s emotional outbursts — whether it was a supermarket meltdown or a temper tantrum at home — were often met with a “make it stop” mentality.
The goal was to suppress the feeling rather than understand it. But today, we know that children need to be guided through their emotions, not hushed or punished for having them. It’s a key part of their neurological development to experience and navigate these big emotions.
Parenting in the 80s might have “done us no harm” (or did it?), but that’s not a reason to dismiss modern approaches. Think about the evolution of seat belt laws — just because many of us survived without wearing one doesn’t mean that ignoring today’s safety standards is wise.
The same applies to parenting. We have more evidence now, so why not use it to guide us in raising children with healthier emotional and mental frameworks?
However, the new pressure parents face to “get it right” is real and intense.
Parents today are constantly bombarded with different schools of thought on child-rearing, from social media influencers to expert-backed articles. And with this overwhelming influx of information, it’s easy to feel like no matter what you do, you’re messing it up. One article says to set firm boundaries, while another warns of stunting emotional intelligence if you’re too rigid. The balancing act can feel exhausting.
The key lies in striking a healthy medium. Parents are guides — our primary roles are to love and protect our children. But in today’s world, even that simple job has layers of complexity. Love them too much? You’re “coddling.” Protect them too fiercely? You’re “helicopter parenting.” It’s no wonder parents feel under siege, constantly checking themselves against impossible standards.
That’s where we need to tune in to our own values. Parenting is personal, and while external opinions can offer guidance, ultimately, we know what feels aligned with our values and what doesn’t. We can embrace advice that resonates and leave behind what doesn’t.
The most important metric of how well we’re doing isn’t the opinions of others but the well-being of our children. Are they growing, thriving, and developing into kind, emotionally capable people? That’s our best feedback.
At the end of the day, we’re all doing the best we can with the information, resources, and capacities we have. Trusting ourselves, and giving ourselves grace in this complex world, is one of the greatest gifts we can give — to ourselves and to our children.
– By Lucy Shrimpton. Sleep & Wellbeing Expert | Founder/Franchisor at The Sleep Nanny®
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